The Hardest Times

I've had some tough times in life for certain but these last few weeks have been the toughest.  I thought about keeping a record of all the mini-tragedies and the macro-drama but I lost heart and lost count after awhile.  Besides, after a point, what is the point?  It only makes me feel like a pathetic sad-sack.  Suffice it to say that a lot more shit has gone down around here since the last post.  In general terms, Phil has continued to slowly deteriorate, my children and I have continue to watch it, my TO DO list grew and I became engulfed by it, and lastly I succumbed to yet another heinous migraine episode which was not ameliorated in the slightest by the Urgent Care Cocktail I'd been prescribed.  I hit my wall hard and knew it was time to call in reinforcements.


Enter Tricia Reece.  My best friend and the hardest working woman I know from Washington.  She has loved my family for over a decade and has seen me through every major crisis.  We are twin sisters from different mothers if you know what I mean and there isn't anything we wouldn't do for each other. She also happens to adore Phil and my kids and they her.  She rocks.   Since her arrival she's cleaned my bathrooms, steam cleaned my carpets, cooked, folded laundry, entertained my parents, doted on Phil, taken Olivia on a date and endured the puppy licking her toes.  That's love.  Today she's taking the kids shopping and to the beach so Phil and I can do medical appointments.  Yes, she rocks.  Love love love her.


Phil and I will be seeing Dr. Kossman to review the PET scan and hear about the progression of disease in his chest and pleura and hopefully Phil will get yet another thorocentesis.  You know he is feeling badly when he asks for one.  He has been extremely weak (as weak as I've seen him) and very short of breath.  He is exhausted by taking a shower.  Today is the day he is to start his new chemotherapy as well - Campath-1H, a monoclonal antibody designed to attack and kill off T-cells.  It kills all T-cells so he will be very immunocompromised.  It will be a big day and there will be a lot to talk about and hopefully accomplish.  I have no idea how long we will be gone when we step out the door.  I have no idea what we will hear when Kossman tells us about the report or what to expect from the chemo.  But as ever, I do know God will be with us.  I do know Tricia will be with my kids.  I know we will be held in the hands of love and will be OK.  I know that at the end of the day we will know more than we do now and that Phil's suffering will look different than it does now.