Today is Phil's birthday, he would have been 50. His dying young is a tragedy in itself but it hurts more today to know that he didn't even make 50. Phil always acted and looked younger than his age and people were usually shocked to find out that he was as "old" as he was. We tended to run with a younger crowd and as the oldest of our friends he actually took pride in being one of the most physically fit ~ although being Phil, he never flaunted it or rubbed anyone's face in it. It is just who Phil was. When we met in 1994 he had just moved from Park City, UT to Durham, NC for PA school and had been doing a lot of high altitude trail running. He'd spent hours at a time running the ski trails for fun... a total nut job I tell you! When he met his classmate David Huish, a fellow trail running madman from Farmington, Maine, it was Kismet (a Turkish word meaning fate or destiny). They immediately sized one another up and ran each other to their limits, getting lost on their first run together in the Duke forest and running further than they probably intended too ~ loving every minute and forging a friendship that would carry them through the challenges of PA school, young married life, their careers, starting families, and the crucible of cancer.
When he was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes several years ago (an autoimmune adult onset type) Phil became even more zealous about his fitness and controlling his blood sugar became extremely important to him. His HGB A1C (hemoglobin A1C - a measure of blood sugar control) was always excellent and below what was desirable for him. He exceeded expectations and went the extra mile, making sure that his health came first. He was always on time for check ups, always reading about his disease, and always running, biking and exercising.
So it was shocking when he of all people got sick. It was not supposed to happen to Phil. He took such good care of himself. He looked younger than he was. He was strong. He didn't deserve it. But that's the thing with cancer. No one deserves it. And that's the thing with getting sick. No one sees it coming and no one is immune. It just happens and it happens to good, strong people who you love.
All week I've been anticipating feeling sad and having a difficult time with today. But then this morning I heard a story on NPR that helped me feel better. A husband and wife were talking about their 18 or 20 yr old son who had died of mononucleosis and the wife's tremendous grief for 5 years after. She said that one day her husband asked her if she'd known ahead of time that this would happen to them, would she have traded the short time they had with their son? Without missing a beat she said "No, I wouldn't trade having loved him for a second."
That's what I needed to hear this morning. I wouldn't have traded a minute loving and knowing Phil either. Today is about celebrating that Phil lived, not that he died. He lived life fully and fought hard to continue living. I miss him because he left such a huge impression on my life and that of my kids, family and friends. Join me in celebrating a life well lived and cut short too soon.