How's Phil?

On any given day Phil is doing really well, all things considered.  He's eating a lot, steadily gaining weight, his hair is growing back and as long as he sleeps well he's pretty energetic and good to go for the day.  If he doesn't sleep well that can mean anything for him from dragging through the day and catching a midday nap to sleeping all day long and still feeling like shit.  To add insult to injury, he just never knows how he's going to feel or what brings on the crappy feeling. Thankfully it almost never lasts more than a day or two.  To be safe, he has to make the call to his oncologist to be certain there isn't a more significant underlying cause so there is usually a bit of anxiety associated with each episode.


This question of "How's Phil?" seems to be popping up more and more frequently and has convinced me to give an accounting of what it's like to be Phil these days.  Granted, if you really must know from the horse's mouth, you'll have to inquire directly...  


In general Phil is doing his best to be a great Dad, partner and provider be it helping with homework, throwing the baseball and practicing batting with Bennett, watching Olivia as she models her fashions for us, disciplining the kiddos when necessary or reading to them at bedtime.  He's the chief dishwasher emptier around here and is often the first one to pop up after dinner to clean up.  After meeting with his boss he's even done a bit of case review work for his orthopedic group to keep his head in the game. 


We were able to travel over the New Year weekend to my sister's in Altadena to watch the Rose Bowl and Parade and have a big Mexican feast with the rest of our extended family.   Sadly, Phil woke up on New Year's Eve morning feeling and looking horrible and proceeded to spend most of the day in bed.  I too felt crappy with a migraine and limped through the day taking care of the kids and napping when I could.  Thankfully my parents arrived and provided reinforcements while my sister helped immensely.  The weekend wasn't shaping up like we'd envisioned AT ALL.  It was New Year's Eve for Pete's sake and yet by 9:30 p.m Phil and I had gone to bed.  Happy New Year and good riddance 2010!

New Year's Day was second verse, same as the first.  He still felt like crap and my head was still in a vice.  Today was the first day of 2011 and there were more family arriving and friends coming to watch football and eat a big feast.  At least we'd figured out that the heat in the house was bothering Phil and making him feel worse ~ our house gets downright cold and he just wasn't acclimated.  

So this gives you an idea of what happens to Phil from out of the blue. With the benefit of hindsight I see now how much he was dealing with.  This was our first time away from home since diagnosis and he was out of his element, out of his routine.  This pushed the envelope of comfort for him, and hence for me too.  Add to it a house full of people to relate to, lots of noise, football and well...oh, and it was raining!


Anyway, we all recovered eventually and Phil bounced back like he does with his remarkable fortitude.  The next day the rain stopped and the sun eventually came out and we all felt better.  His energy slowly gathered and my head finally stopped hurting.  We drove back down to San Diego and slowly resumed our daily life here ~ having learned that sometimes there is no place like home, even a new house that is still in the process of becoming home.  


For me, although my migraines have been hellish lately, they won't ever kill me and they eventually do go away.  I can always count on that.  They aren't living inside me and they don't have the capacity to end me, even though sometimes I doubt that.  The same can't be said for Phil and the lymphoma.  Or the mucor.  He's got two battlefronts in his war and I need/want to remember that when I get sick of my head hurting or tire of taking my headache meds or think they aren't working well enough.


I want you all to know how well he is doing just as I want you to know how equally fragile he is.  Heat affects him.  Not getting enough sleep affects him.  Overdoing it affects him.  Things we don't understand affect him and he wakes up feeling horrible for unknown reasons.  


But I also know this ~ prayer affects him.  Our Lord affects him.  Your love and support affect him.  He has been brought this far by your love and by the prayers of the people to a merciful God who listens and is touched by the cries of our hearts.  Keep it coming as we enter into another phase of treatment in the coming weeks.  Chemo is coming again soon and we will all need your love, strength, and prayers.


Livestrong! 
Pray! 
Celebrate what He has done!