I heard Deepak Chopra speak many years ago when I was a PA student at Duke. It was a silent snowy day and campus was eerily quiet. I didn't see a soul until I entered the SRO auditorium and even then there was a subdued atmosphere, everyone whispering in hushed tones and huddled together for warmth.
The topic of his lecture is lost to me now but there is one thing that remains with me from that night. He was talking about road rage and our hurried life style in this country; how we are always rushing to and fro, how what we are all about is more important than anyone else's business. He challenged us to think about the person in the car that cuts us off, the car that won't let us pass, the driver that flips us the bird. He challenged us to consider what their emergency is. Maybe, just maybe, they are in crisis and have fewer tools in their tool box than we do. Maybe, just maybe, they are in need of grace and we can give it to them. Maybe, just maybe, they are going somewhere more important than we are. Maybe, just maybe, we can exhale and let them go by us and we will be better off for having done so.
Yesterday I was returning a video to the Red Box at 7/11 and I couldn't find a parking space in the lot. There was a pick up truck blocking the lane and a red-faced young kid was shouting at the driver to move her ass out of the way, waving his arms and swearing a blue-streak the whole time. The driver was so flustered in her attempts to do so that she backed up over the curb into the bushes. As I found a spot way out of the way and walked over to the rental return I crossed by her and saw her crying. Her passenger called out to me, "Excuse me, can you help us?"
It turns out they had been driving around for over an hour looking for a street that was several miles away. He was overdue for dialysis and had missed his bus so his wife was driving him -- she spoke no English and he was legally blind and couldn't drive himself. They were so far out of their element. I rummaged around in my car, found a highlighter and wrote directions on a paper plate. Hopefully they made it to their destination.
I thought of Deepak.
I thought of all the times people had stopped to help Phil and I.
And I thought of all the times I've been disappointed by people who can't see beyond themselves.
It's pretty simple. As my snarky and wonderfully loving friend Anita posted yesterday on her Facebook Status: "Guide to not being an asshole: Don't be an asshole.
Love wins every time.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
That Place
It's been a particularly rough few days for me. The kids are fighting more, my fuse has become short, and I wear lethargy like a lead apron. The boxes are becoming more and more difficult to face each day. The high of moving is gone and we are all feeling the downturn. There is much more to it of course. There always is.
We've made several trips back to the rental to gather up straggling items, do a final walk through, take out garbage and set aside our Amvets donation. On each visit I've remarked to myself how glad I am to be out of that place with it's crumbling pathway walls, waist high weeds, wobbly faucet, 1950's insulation and chronic smell of smoke and ash. That place that until two months ago had no heat. That place so poorly managed. That place where Phil died.
If you ask the kids are they going to miss that place they'll say "No" very emphatically and might even call it a slum. I'd have to agree with them. But our hearts are sorely hurting for having left that place all the same. For no matter the condition of that house, it was our last home with Phil. It was the place where we witnessed his final hours of courage and humility and the place we gathered to share our heartbreak and sorrow. It was the place where neighbors cradled us in their collective arms and cared for us day after day after day. From this point forward we will only move further away from that place ~ which is both good and sad.
We've made several trips back to the rental to gather up straggling items, do a final walk through, take out garbage and set aside our Amvets donation. On each visit I've remarked to myself how glad I am to be out of that place with it's crumbling pathway walls, waist high weeds, wobbly faucet, 1950's insulation and chronic smell of smoke and ash. That place that until two months ago had no heat. That place so poorly managed. That place where Phil died.
If you ask the kids are they going to miss that place they'll say "No" very emphatically and might even call it a slum. I'd have to agree with them. But our hearts are sorely hurting for having left that place all the same. For no matter the condition of that house, it was our last home with Phil. It was the place where we witnessed his final hours of courage and humility and the place we gathered to share our heartbreak and sorrow. It was the place where neighbors cradled us in their collective arms and cared for us day after day after day. From this point forward we will only move further away from that place ~ which is both good and sad.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Life is a gift.
It's Monday morning now and it's clear that the vacation is over. Life is a gift, let us live and love accordingly.
I received horrible news last night that a lifelong dear friend of my family had died suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving behind a wife and two daughters in their early 20's. He was in his early 60's, a surfer and runner and very full of life. He, like Phil, wasn't supposed to die young. And he, like Phil, was one of the really good guys. He loved the Lord and made the world a better place by being in it.
Now his wife and daughters will embark on the journey the kids and I are on - learning to live without a husband and father they thought would be there. Diving deeper into a faith they've only begun to plumb the depth of. And coming to terms with the edges of themselves that are raw and uncomfortable and need grace and mercy in the most difficult of moments when they are fatigued, overwhelmed, grieving and missing their loved one.
But having walked this road ahead of them I know a few other things they will find on their journey as well. They will find good Samaritans who will feed and cook for them, wash their laundry, clean their house, take care of needs they don't even know they have. They will find peace and comfort in memories and in the letters and cards that come their way. God will comfort them with deep refreshing sleep that defies explanation given the circumstance. And He will provide sweet moments of relief from the pain in the form of joy for old friends reconnecting and reunions with loved ones to shoulder the burden of sorrow.
As I dropped my kids off at school this morning they were so eager to run off to share their vacation experiences with their friends. I hadn't told them about our friend's passing yet. There will be time for that this afternoon. I wanted them to have their day today. For me, I have had a different attitude toward life for a while now and this just solidifies it. I agree whole-heartedly with my sister Anita who says she has no more naïveté thinking everyone is going to live a long life. There have been too many early deaths in our circle.
Life is a precious gift. Let us live and love accordingly.
I received horrible news last night that a lifelong dear friend of my family had died suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving behind a wife and two daughters in their early 20's. He was in his early 60's, a surfer and runner and very full of life. He, like Phil, wasn't supposed to die young. And he, like Phil, was one of the really good guys. He loved the Lord and made the world a better place by being in it.
Now his wife and daughters will embark on the journey the kids and I are on - learning to live without a husband and father they thought would be there. Diving deeper into a faith they've only begun to plumb the depth of. And coming to terms with the edges of themselves that are raw and uncomfortable and need grace and mercy in the most difficult of moments when they are fatigued, overwhelmed, grieving and missing their loved one.
But having walked this road ahead of them I know a few other things they will find on their journey as well. They will find good Samaritans who will feed and cook for them, wash their laundry, clean their house, take care of needs they don't even know they have. They will find peace and comfort in memories and in the letters and cards that come their way. God will comfort them with deep refreshing sleep that defies explanation given the circumstance. And He will provide sweet moments of relief from the pain in the form of joy for old friends reconnecting and reunions with loved ones to shoulder the burden of sorrow.
As I dropped my kids off at school this morning they were so eager to run off to share their vacation experiences with their friends. I hadn't told them about our friend's passing yet. There will be time for that this afternoon. I wanted them to have their day today. For me, I have had a different attitude toward life for a while now and this just solidifies it. I agree whole-heartedly with my sister Anita who says she has no more naïveté thinking everyone is going to live a long life. There have been too many early deaths in our circle.
Life is a precious gift. Let us live and love accordingly.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
The Burgh
The kids and I just returned from what they are calling the vacation of a lifetime. We spent six days in Pittsburgh for a celebration and memorial of Phil's life followed by almost two weeks in Orlando to enjoy "the happiest place on earth" as well as Universal Studios and the wild beauty of the St John River and the promise of gators. The entire trip was a sacred, healing and outrageously fun time for us and was filled with moments of emotional connection and communion with the friends who loved Phil so well. Each of us was deeply affected by our time spent with those friends and I am so grateful, on behalf of my children especially, for the stories, love and affirmation that were poured into us.
Our time in Pittsburgh was exactly as I hoped it would be. There were not too many tears but instead numerous good stories were shared and I had the chance to meet a lot of the people from Team Conrad whom I'd come to love over the last year. Rob Hamilton and Jeff Breland's eulogy's were eloquent and individually captured the spirit of friendship they shared with Phil. And the video montage that Brad Bruckman put together encapsulated the times of Phil's life wonderfully - hearing Phil speak at the end took me by such surprise that I was immediately besought with tears. It was both a gift and a sad reminder of what we've lost.
I lost count of the times I heard people comment on how much Bennett looks and acts like Phil. Of how he has Phil's vibrant spirit and character. As his mother it made me proud and overjoyed for him to hear this and I loved seeing him beaming as he heard it repeated over and over again throughout the parish hall. And Olivia, quiet and contemplative by my side, missed nothing as she heard every compliment about her beauty and gentleness. The "buddies" as Phil called the guys who went on yearly trips together, made sure she heard what a miracle her dad thought she was and how much love he held in his heart for his special girl. It was love, love and more love.
As some of us gathered later to share leftovers, raise glasses in Phil's honor and continue sharing stories, the tears shed were more of laughter than anything else. Phil left quite a few whoppers behind and gave us ample material to work with. And, as if it were ever in question, he has the best friends. In the midst of coming together to mourn the too-soon passing of their dear friend, they were also having a really good time being together and celebrating this place called Edgewood that gave them a sense of shared identity, belonging, community, and connection. Be it comparing a Vinnie Pie to Mineo's pizza or rehashing the latest Pen's game against the Flyers, these Pittsburghers are the real deal - they bleed black and gold for sure. And to a person, they love life, they loved Phil and they let us know again and again how much he loved us.
Bennett commented that he felt like royalty while we were in Pittsburgh. The mere mention of his dad's name seemed to open doors and gain him access to things. When we went to Mineo's for pizza one day he mentioned to them that his dad worked there in high school. The next day at the memorial the owners came up to him and Olivia and invited them to come in to make pizza's and spend some time behind the counter. They had the time of their lives and came home with T-shirts and ball caps to boot! While there Bennett made plans to come back for a summer job and was already negotiating a salary.
Phil's brother Jamie had written a letter to the folks who now live in their childhood home, asking if we could stop by for a look. Steve, the owner, was incredibly gracious and opened his home to a dozen or so of us and gave Bennett a Pittsburgh hat and Olivia a bag of Jelly Bellys. We spent an hour walking the property, checking out the house and even crawling into the attic which David had called home for awhile. Jamie and Jeff Breland pointed out the various marks on the doors from stereo wiring and David cleared up some mysterious decals left behind in the attic for Steve. It was great fun and awesome for the kids to see where and how Phil grew up. Across the street was Jeff's house and the family there also graciously let us in, during their five year olds birthday party no less. Just another example of the friendly small neighborhood they grew up in that remains today. Standing in those homes was spiritual and bringing my children there was important.
By the time we left Pittsburgh for our adventure in Orlando we'd played in Frick park several times, eaten Mineo's AND Vincent's pizza, I'd seen the Pen's play and we'd seen some of the amazing architecture and history that makes Pittsburgh so beautiful. Bennett now knows where Mike Tomlin lives and he and Olivia have new Steeler gear to wear home. Pittsburgh and it's people have wound their way into our hearts big time and there is no question that we now bleed black and gold too.
Our time in Pittsburgh was exactly as I hoped it would be. There were not too many tears but instead numerous good stories were shared and I had the chance to meet a lot of the people from Team Conrad whom I'd come to love over the last year. Rob Hamilton and Jeff Breland's eulogy's were eloquent and individually captured the spirit of friendship they shared with Phil. And the video montage that Brad Bruckman put together encapsulated the times of Phil's life wonderfully - hearing Phil speak at the end took me by such surprise that I was immediately besought with tears. It was both a gift and a sad reminder of what we've lost.
I lost count of the times I heard people comment on how much Bennett looks and acts like Phil. Of how he has Phil's vibrant spirit and character. As his mother it made me proud and overjoyed for him to hear this and I loved seeing him beaming as he heard it repeated over and over again throughout the parish hall. And Olivia, quiet and contemplative by my side, missed nothing as she heard every compliment about her beauty and gentleness. The "buddies" as Phil called the guys who went on yearly trips together, made sure she heard what a miracle her dad thought she was and how much love he held in his heart for his special girl. It was love, love and more love.
As some of us gathered later to share leftovers, raise glasses in Phil's honor and continue sharing stories, the tears shed were more of laughter than anything else. Phil left quite a few whoppers behind and gave us ample material to work with. And, as if it were ever in question, he has the best friends. In the midst of coming together to mourn the too-soon passing of their dear friend, they were also having a really good time being together and celebrating this place called Edgewood that gave them a sense of shared identity, belonging, community, and connection. Be it comparing a Vinnie Pie to Mineo's pizza or rehashing the latest Pen's game against the Flyers, these Pittsburghers are the real deal - they bleed black and gold for sure. And to a person, they love life, they loved Phil and they let us know again and again how much he loved us.
Bennett commented that he felt like royalty while we were in Pittsburgh. The mere mention of his dad's name seemed to open doors and gain him access to things. When we went to Mineo's for pizza one day he mentioned to them that his dad worked there in high school. The next day at the memorial the owners came up to him and Olivia and invited them to come in to make pizza's and spend some time behind the counter. They had the time of their lives and came home with T-shirts and ball caps to boot! While there Bennett made plans to come back for a summer job and was already negotiating a salary.
Phil's brother Jamie had written a letter to the folks who now live in their childhood home, asking if we could stop by for a look. Steve, the owner, was incredibly gracious and opened his home to a dozen or so of us and gave Bennett a Pittsburgh hat and Olivia a bag of Jelly Bellys. We spent an hour walking the property, checking out the house and even crawling into the attic which David had called home for awhile. Jamie and Jeff Breland pointed out the various marks on the doors from stereo wiring and David cleared up some mysterious decals left behind in the attic for Steve. It was great fun and awesome for the kids to see where and how Phil grew up. Across the street was Jeff's house and the family there also graciously let us in, during their five year olds birthday party no less. Just another example of the friendly small neighborhood they grew up in that remains today. Standing in those homes was spiritual and bringing my children there was important.
By the time we left Pittsburgh for our adventure in Orlando we'd played in Frick park several times, eaten Mineo's AND Vincent's pizza, I'd seen the Pen's play and we'd seen some of the amazing architecture and history that makes Pittsburgh so beautiful. Bennett now knows where Mike Tomlin lives and he and Olivia have new Steeler gear to wear home. Pittsburgh and it's people have wound their way into our hearts big time and there is no question that we now bleed black and gold too.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Brothers Trips
Spring is in the air everywhere you look around here in San Diego. The vibrant swathes of purple ice plant growing on the sides of hills can be seen from miles away and the daffodils are already fading in some gardens. The burst of new buds are on the trees and we've had several glorious sunshiny days that have seen us at the dog beach in short sleeves and sandals. Our weather clearly had something to do with San Diego being named America's Finest City.
It was usually about this time of year, when these botanical events started taking place, that Phil would start talking with Jamie and then David about doing a brother's trip. Granted, when we lived in Washington, this conversation often didn't roll around until late June given our climate-challenged vegetation... But you get the picture. Once Mother Earth started to wake up from her winter slumber, so did Phil. He and his brother's had a tradition of hitting the high country together every few years to enjoy nature's beauty and get away from it all for a while. Mostly, it was an opportunity to spend deliberate, thoughtful, focused time together. No cell phones, no television, no women or wives or kids, no jobs or stress. Just three men and the mountains and the sky and their words.
These were some of the best times of Phil's adult life. These trips and his buddy trips. There was just something about men getting together in nature and sweating it out together that really spoke to Phil. He loved to push himself physically and to do that in a beautiful environment only made him happier and seemed to make the effort easier. Nature always had a hold on his heart and soul. Anyone who has heard him talk about Mt. Timpanogas in Utah or about Sundance in Deer Valley has seen the look in his eye. Even at our beginning, he courted me in Duke Forest and along the shores of Lake Jordan in Chapel Hill, on long hikes through the woods as we talked for hours about everything and nothing.
So it is fitting that his brothers are paying a tribute of sorts to Phil and their mutual love of the outdoors and fitness by riding in a fundraiser for Leukemia and Lymphoma. If you haven't heard about it yet or would like to honor Phil in this way, check out their fundraising page below.
http://pages.teamintraining.org/nca/ambbr12/jconradwo4
I hope you have many enjoyable remembrances of Phil and his lust for life as you experience spring this year.
It was usually about this time of year, when these botanical events started taking place, that Phil would start talking with Jamie and then David about doing a brother's trip. Granted, when we lived in Washington, this conversation often didn't roll around until late June given our climate-challenged vegetation... But you get the picture. Once Mother Earth started to wake up from her winter slumber, so did Phil. He and his brother's had a tradition of hitting the high country together every few years to enjoy nature's beauty and get away from it all for a while. Mostly, it was an opportunity to spend deliberate, thoughtful, focused time together. No cell phones, no television, no women or wives or kids, no jobs or stress. Just three men and the mountains and the sky and their words.
These were some of the best times of Phil's adult life. These trips and his buddy trips. There was just something about men getting together in nature and sweating it out together that really spoke to Phil. He loved to push himself physically and to do that in a beautiful environment only made him happier and seemed to make the effort easier. Nature always had a hold on his heart and soul. Anyone who has heard him talk about Mt. Timpanogas in Utah or about Sundance in Deer Valley has seen the look in his eye. Even at our beginning, he courted me in Duke Forest and along the shores of Lake Jordan in Chapel Hill, on long hikes through the woods as we talked for hours about everything and nothing.
So it is fitting that his brothers are paying a tribute of sorts to Phil and their mutual love of the outdoors and fitness by riding in a fundraiser for Leukemia and Lymphoma. If you haven't heard about it yet or would like to honor Phil in this way, check out their fundraising page below.
http://pages.teamintraining.org/nca/ambbr12/jconradwo4
I hope you have many enjoyable remembrances of Phil and his lust for life as you experience spring this year.
Friday, February 17, 2012
A Matter of Perspective
Today it seems that every area of my life needs attention and there aren't enough hours in the day let alone enough psychic energy to bring to the fore. It stems from buying a house and trickles down from there with things like printing/signing/faxing documents for loan papers, includes calling my landlord to repair the leak that exists in my laundry room since the heater was installed as well as doing umpteen loads of laundry before taking my adolescent-chew-anything-and-everything hound to the dog park before I make a rash adoption plan for him because I don't want him to ruin my new house. Then there's the social security administration that has complicated my life by not paying the kid's portion of benefits this month so that I have to spend hours on the phone with them rectifying the situation (not to mention the fact that I need to get this is in order pronto for my underwriters!).
Did I mention that my car is starting to smell bad and is a debris field from the last week of frenzied activity of rushing to school in the mornings and baseball practices in the afternoons? Oh, and Bennett missed two days of school last week with asthmatic bronchitis and then spent 3 hours in the ER last weekend so he could get 3 stitches in his head after hitting it on the bathtub. Juvenile antics, that's all I'm going to say. He asked me if Daddy would be proud of him for how brave he was getting his stitches and it pained me to tell him that Daddy wouldn't be too happy to be in the ER at 2 a.m. Sorry little buddy but the truth hurts sometimes. Oh, and that'll be $500 please. Thanks. : )
I detail all the above because I very easily get caught up in the crap of my life. There is more I could tell you that went on these last few weeks but I feel badly just reciting a litany of complaints. I know my life is hard because of my grief process and my new found singularity but I also know I must pray and fight against the tendency to focus on the negative. It is all soooooooooooooo easy to do.
So, let me tell you about some wonderful women God has placed in my life. Melanie is a teacher in my son's grade (4th) and she lives just down the street. God put a burden on her heart to ask me if I wanted to do a bible study with her and another mother, Elizabeth, she knew from a previous classroom who was also a widow. Melanie was bold and followed God's lead and I said yes! Melanie has an infectious charm and energy and for those of you in WA, reminds me of Sammie Simons! She has a smile and a hug for everyone and is positive and radiant and loves the Lord. She is a few years older than me and I immediately considered her a friend and mentor. She loves my children and her family is incredible!! We have met several times and although Satan tries to foil our plans we continue to find ways to get together although I still haven't met Elizabeth!!
Julie also meets with us and she has 3 wonderful kids who are unique and fit so well with my kids. "O2" is Julie's daughter Olivia and my Olivia's buddy from first grade. She and her sister Josie and "O1" love to play American Girls together and have all-girl parties complete with signs (No Boys Allowed)! Julie's son Max and Bennett are all-boy and play Little League together, ride BMX and shoot air soft guns when they are not playing on the Wii or Playstation. It's a lovefest all around. And Julie is real. She is honest and open and wanting more and is in continual pursuit of the Lord as well. She is spicy and sassy and fun! Did I mention that she and her husband own a fantastic sushi restaurant?
Jann also lives right up the street and has taken me under her wing in so many small ways. Every once in a while my phone will buzz with a text and it's Jann, checking in on me to see how my heart and my head are. She always checks on my migraines and my spirit and I love her for that. She knows how bad both can get and she never forgets me. She also has a real sweet spot for Olivia and has watched her for me several times, creating some beautiful fun crafts with her and treating her like a real special guest. Jann consistently prays for us and know's what it's like to raise strong-willed children. Her presence in the background is comforting and encouraging.
Lastly and not least, Trenna continues to be my stalwart bedrock. She was, she is and she will be there. My love for her grows more with each passing day. I wouldn't have made it through any of this without her confident grace and reassurance. God was a genius ~ knitting us together at the age of 6, for such a time as this!
So there you have it. Things can seem pretty bad circumstantially but it's the people around you that make the difference. I don't have Phil by my side but God has provided a cloud of powerful women to fill in the gaps and they are mighty indeed. I know I need to focus on what He has given me amidst all this trouble the world deals out. Because one thing I know for sure, this world will continue to deal out trouble. Grab your friends and give thanks to "God, who causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28
Did I mention that my car is starting to smell bad and is a debris field from the last week of frenzied activity of rushing to school in the mornings and baseball practices in the afternoons? Oh, and Bennett missed two days of school last week with asthmatic bronchitis and then spent 3 hours in the ER last weekend so he could get 3 stitches in his head after hitting it on the bathtub. Juvenile antics, that's all I'm going to say. He asked me if Daddy would be proud of him for how brave he was getting his stitches and it pained me to tell him that Daddy wouldn't be too happy to be in the ER at 2 a.m. Sorry little buddy but the truth hurts sometimes. Oh, and that'll be $500 please. Thanks. : )
I detail all the above because I very easily get caught up in the crap of my life. There is more I could tell you that went on these last few weeks but I feel badly just reciting a litany of complaints. I know my life is hard because of my grief process and my new found singularity but I also know I must pray and fight against the tendency to focus on the negative. It is all soooooooooooooo easy to do.
So, let me tell you about some wonderful women God has placed in my life. Melanie is a teacher in my son's grade (4th) and she lives just down the street. God put a burden on her heart to ask me if I wanted to do a bible study with her and another mother, Elizabeth, she knew from a previous classroom who was also a widow. Melanie was bold and followed God's lead and I said yes! Melanie has an infectious charm and energy and for those of you in WA, reminds me of Sammie Simons! She has a smile and a hug for everyone and is positive and radiant and loves the Lord. She is a few years older than me and I immediately considered her a friend and mentor. She loves my children and her family is incredible!! We have met several times and although Satan tries to foil our plans we continue to find ways to get together although I still haven't met Elizabeth!!
Julie also meets with us and she has 3 wonderful kids who are unique and fit so well with my kids. "O2" is Julie's daughter Olivia and my Olivia's buddy from first grade. She and her sister Josie and "O1" love to play American Girls together and have all-girl parties complete with signs (No Boys Allowed)! Julie's son Max and Bennett are all-boy and play Little League together, ride BMX and shoot air soft guns when they are not playing on the Wii or Playstation. It's a lovefest all around. And Julie is real. She is honest and open and wanting more and is in continual pursuit of the Lord as well. She is spicy and sassy and fun! Did I mention that she and her husband own a fantastic sushi restaurant?
Jann also lives right up the street and has taken me under her wing in so many small ways. Every once in a while my phone will buzz with a text and it's Jann, checking in on me to see how my heart and my head are. She always checks on my migraines and my spirit and I love her for that. She knows how bad both can get and she never forgets me. She also has a real sweet spot for Olivia and has watched her for me several times, creating some beautiful fun crafts with her and treating her like a real special guest. Jann consistently prays for us and know's what it's like to raise strong-willed children. Her presence in the background is comforting and encouraging.
Lastly and not least, Trenna continues to be my stalwart bedrock. She was, she is and she will be there. My love for her grows more with each passing day. I wouldn't have made it through any of this without her confident grace and reassurance. God was a genius ~ knitting us together at the age of 6, for such a time as this!
So there you have it. Things can seem pretty bad circumstantially but it's the people around you that make the difference. I don't have Phil by my side but God has provided a cloud of powerful women to fill in the gaps and they are mighty indeed. I know I need to focus on what He has given me amidst all this trouble the world deals out. Because one thing I know for sure, this world will continue to deal out trouble. Grab your friends and give thanks to "God, who causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28
Monday, February 6, 2012
Home is Where the Heart Is
I bought a house this week and it is beautiful! It's far nicer than anything Phil and I looked at when we briefly house hunted in July of 2010. At that time what we could afford were older homes that were very small or that needed a good deal of "sweat equity" as Phil liked to call it. Once he was diagnosed with lymphoma we quickly shelved our dream of buying a home and tried to protect our little nest egg as best we could, not knowing what was in store for us.
Now here we are, the kids and I, all these months later, on the cusp of moving into our new home, our "forever home" as Bennett puts it, all made possible by Phil's sacrifice and death. Kinda sad. Kinda crazy. But mostly, it's amazing and shows how provisional his love was. Even in death, he is taking care of us and he's made my "workplace" for raising our kids even more precious. We will be in a beautiful home that is convenient to everything, spacious and comfortable, perfect for entertaining and yet quiet and tranquil. There is even space for our beloved-behemoth-hound Zack and for the gardening to come. There is sunshine all around and I will never have to move if I don't want to. Ahhhh.
Thank you Phil! We will talk of you here and tell stories of your incredible life. We will rest here when the going gets tough. We will laugh and have fun here! By putting a roof over our heads and giving us a safe and secure place to rest our heads and our hearts you have given us a place to rebuild our lives and heal our broken hearts. We will move on confidently in life without you here with us because you have provided the means for us to do so. As we move into our new home we will be taking you with us, in our hearts and memories, forever. You have our love, always.
Now here we are, the kids and I, all these months later, on the cusp of moving into our new home, our "forever home" as Bennett puts it, all made possible by Phil's sacrifice and death. Kinda sad. Kinda crazy. But mostly, it's amazing and shows how provisional his love was. Even in death, he is taking care of us and he's made my "workplace" for raising our kids even more precious. We will be in a beautiful home that is convenient to everything, spacious and comfortable, perfect for entertaining and yet quiet and tranquil. There is even space for our beloved-behemoth-hound Zack and for the gardening to come. There is sunshine all around and I will never have to move if I don't want to. Ahhhh.
Thank you Phil! We will talk of you here and tell stories of your incredible life. We will rest here when the going gets tough. We will laugh and have fun here! By putting a roof over our heads and giving us a safe and secure place to rest our heads and our hearts you have given us a place to rebuild our lives and heal our broken hearts. We will move on confidently in life without you here with us because you have provided the means for us to do so. As we move into our new home we will be taking you with us, in our hearts and memories, forever. You have our love, always.
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