I've been in bed more or less for the last 48 hours. Migraines have a way of doing that for me. They exercise control over all my best laid plans and take over my body, mind and even try to move in on soul territory. Fortunately, to use good old scary fundamentalist language "I've been washed in the blood of the lamb" and Satan's minions won't be able to touch me there with their fire pokers from hell (migrainous shocks of searing pain).

On Friday morning, the last day of school before Christmas break, I woke up with a killer headache and nausea and the distinct knowledge that I would not be operating any heavy machinery i.e. a car. When I told the kids of my predicament between waves of nausea, and asked if they wanted someone else to take them to school or if they would rather sleep in with me and miss their Christmas parties, they were in solidarity about staying home to care for me. Never have you heard such sweet children. "Oh Mom, we'll do whatever you need us to." "We won't fight. Promise." "I don't really care about parties anyway, Mom". And just like that, we were all back asleep until 9:30 a.m.

Once the kids got up they pretty much ran things around here. By that I mean there were no fights, no one got hurt and they ate ~ a little bit at least. When I finally stumbled out of my rack a few hours later they were both happily playing on their computer games and had eaten sourdough toast, 2 pears and a bowl of God-awful sugary cereal that I once swore I'd never buy. So much for that oath. The house was stone cold because I hadn't been up to make the fire but they'd improvised with layers, hoodies and blankets and none was the worse off for it. I was immediately thankful. I threw some real food at them and went back to bed to suffer some more in private. Despite a plethora of meds (AND sending a man to the moon) I still can't get rid of my migraines in less than two days.

That evening and next morning were a lot the same until I pulled out of the fog. Now, I gotta stop for a sec and pray you don't think you need to be calling CPS or anything because of my benign neglect here. It wasn't as bad as I've made it out to be. But I think it is high time I give you a slice of the reality you've been asking for and that I've been needing to provide so you don't think me so superhuman. Why yes, I, Sally Conrad, can be a crappy parent (wha? Shock! Awe!) and at times can barely make it through the day - migraine or not. For you see, today is day 3 and I'm finding it hard to break this cycle of being in bed all day and not doing anything. It was easy when the kids were in school, they had no idea. Now they are accomplices with me. I keep checking with them to see if they are OK and they assure me they are. They are each happy playing their DS or on the computer or reading or being by themselves. We are all just hanging out, separately. Part of me thinks we should all be together, "doing our grief" and the other part is loving the quiet solitude of "mischief managed". But at its roots it doesn't feel healthy and I know I have to be careful here.